The Fine Print: Girl, Wash Your Face

Hello old friends and new friends, it’s been a while, don’t you think? You may have kept up with me on instagram, or in my Owensboro Living articles, and if you have, thank you! I haven’t really written a blog post in such a long time (not counting Our Engagement Story from last week), and I decided it was time to jump back in. My dad passed away on April 2nd of this year, and since then, I just haven’t known where the heck to start. It seemed so frivolous to write about fashion and my favorite lipstick of the season when something so catastrophic had just happened. I figured I needed to write a post explaining myself before I dove back into fashion, and that’s just what the Fine Print is for.

I’ve been dreading this post for months, mostly because if I put it into writing it becomes more real and also because I’m afraid I won’t explain myself well enough, or say all of the things I’m feeling, and if I say all the things I’m feeling people always have an opinion. A couple of weeks ago, I read the book Girl, Wash Your Face, and it really made me think. I love to write and blog and express myself creatively through High Heels & Happy Hartz, and I really just put it on the back burner. I don’t blame myself for it, because the last thing I needed to be doing recently was something for myself, but now I think it’s time. Not everyone is going to like what I write (or give a hoot for that matter), and that’s okay. I started this blog because it makes me happy, and there’s something therapeutic about writing about what has happened to you whether other people care or not.

I’m sure I won’t get out everything I want to say or everything I feel in one post, and that’s the beauty of blogging–there’s always more to say, and a platform to say it.

To put it lightly, we’ve all been through our own shit. Nobody has a perfect life, and I respect anyone who has ever gone through any kind of illness or loss. This post is not to say I have had it worse than anyone, in fact, I feel lucky to have at least gone through a disease where I got to spend so much time with my dad. Those special moments this past year have changed my life, and I wouldn’t trade the memories with him for all the money in the world. (Real quick shoutout to nurses and all of you in the healthcare field–you guys are actual angels, and I have the utmost respect for you.)

My life seemed pretty perfect until my dad was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Aphasia back in 2012. PPA is hell, and I’ll get into that at a later date, but being without my dad is much worse than at least having the PPA version of him around. I was a caregiver for him with my mom for the past year or so, and I miss him every second of every day. I think about him when I wake up, when I breathe, and when I go to bed. I cried in the Christmas aisle at Hobby Lobby last week dreading how the holidays will be this year without him, and as you can probably guess, I’m tearing up a little bit right now.

This post isn’t a sob story, or a plea for attention because of a tragic loss, but it’s part of my life, and a huge part of what I experience every day, even now that he’s gone. I’m going to write about it more from now on, because although PPA is a rare disease, it’s similar to Alzheimer’s and maybe can help some of you feel like you’re not alone on this never-ending journey. I want you guys to see that I’m not just interested in the perfect dress to wear to a wedding, but I’m also a real person going through some realness, just like you are.

When I read Girl, Wash Your Face, as I mentioned before, it really got me motivated. There’s no time like the present to be whoever you want to be. I’ve wanted to really get into blogging the entire time I’ve been doing it, but I’ve always had an excuse.

I’m too busy.

It gets dark earlier now.

I don’t have anything to wear. (Lies, btw)

I can’t afford Gucci loafers and natural beaded rows extensions like the blog celebs.

No one cares what I post.

…and the list goes on and on. I’m always going to think of excuses and then it’s going to pass me by. I’m deciding right now that I’m not going to be afraid of what everyone is thinking, and I’m going to write what I want. My dad had an amazingly positive outlook on his disease and everything he went through, and one of my favorite sayings of his is what I’m going to think of when I have a bad day, and I thought you guys might want to borrow it too. He always said, “Fuck ’em.” Excuse my French, but the next time you’re overwhelmed you may just want to try it.

I love you guys for hanging in there and reading this long post, and I just want to say that any of you who have reached out to me about my dad have meant the world to me. I’m sure I didn’t respond to everyone, but just know that I appreciate it so very much. I still have a huge group of messages on facebook that I haven’t been able to face yet, but I’m so thankful for your support and care.

My next post may be about fashion, or books, or dad, or who are we kidding? It’s probably going to be about Julep. Thanks for sticking with me, pals.

All photos by Kristin Bivins

Some of my favorite quotes from Girl, Wash Your Face

“Decide that you care more about creating your magic and pushing it out into the world than you do about how it will be received.”

“The only thing worse than giving up is wishing that you hadn’t.”

“Nobody is going to care about your dream as much as you do. Ever.”